I am a bad mother (this is my GUILT talking)

For the 1st time, I berate myself for being a "bad mother" - and all because of work.  Since last Thursday, I have been working non-stop (more or less).  Weekends were not spared as I was in front of the computer the whole time.

I couldn't spare time to play with Ashley, couldn't even spare 20mins to bathe her ( ya, it was that bad ).  I couldn't afford to pat her to sleep at night (broke my heart to close the bedroom even when Ashley couldn't be cajoled into letting Alan pat her to sleep.  she keeps repeating "Mommy sleep sleep with Ashley.  Mommy no do work work.". Tears streaming, her wailing. huh... that was a  bad moment).

Despite my lousy mothering, my darling loved me all the way.   Off and on, she will come to my side on her own accord and hug me.  She will stroke my back and say "Sayang Mommy."  While she watches Barney, she will say "Mommy, listen to Ashley."  and she will proceed with a song and sometimes dance for me.  Once when I was cursing and swearing in front of the computer (due to the ignorance/selfishnes/stupidity of some pple who happen to work in the same company as i do), Ashley asked me "Mommy, you angry at the computer?" (With just one comment like that, all my anger dissolved and i burst out laughing).

For a while, I doubted my conviction that I NEED to work to preserve my sanity.  But still in the end, I had commitments to all the impossible deadlines to meet.

On top of that, I still haven't ordered a Barney cake for Ashley.

I promise - once the craziness is over, I will make it up to you, my dear.

Mommy love you.