still rewinding...

My mommie’s recount III: As all mothers would agree wif me, the feeling is just magical when u see your baby for the 1st time. I still remember the nurse carry my baby to me, then said “it’s a girl, huh?”. I smiled and said, “yah”… The nurse then immediately put the baby in the warmer.


Alan was watching the whole proceedings and was like in a trance. I told him to take out the camera and take pics. Immediately, he took the digicam out and started to focus on me. I laughed and said “Not me, silly, take pics of baby”…

Nov 2006
My mommie’s recount IV: I hate confinement, period! Can’t bathe and can’t eat the things tt I want, even though I rather like confinement food anymore – pig’s trotters, sesame oil chicken… But I really cannot tahan not bathing, so I started bathing secretly on the 3rd day I went home…


Oh yes, I think I developed a phobia of “rupturing” my stitches bcos of what iris told me. She said her sister ruptured the stitches and the episiotomy worsened... I was so scared of peeing during the 1st couple of days. Even pooing, i didn’t want to try until the 4th day onwards… n I took a lot of the stool softener. ( :-P )… anyway, tt’s over…


Ok, back to confinement… I was struggling with breastfeeding, milk supply didn’t seem to be forthcoming after I went back home… onli managed about 60-80ml after abt 45mins of pumping, at every 3hrly, coupled with the fact the Ashley didn’t want to latch on after they introduced the milk bottle to her... so angry with them!


Not trying to give excuses, but the first couple of weeks at home was very tough. I had to deal with breastfeeding, engorgement, difficulty to get Ashley to latch on ( which in the end had to express out )… As I dun have a confinement lady ( dun want to get into this issue, else I will go on n on ), so I have to take care of Ashley at nite. So, I usually have to wake up 2-3 times every nite for feedings. In-between feedings, I had to try and express out milk, or else will get engorgement. But with Ashley in the room n she’s a light sleeper, I am so stressed with the sound the breast pump makes, worried that Ashley will wake up. In the daytime when I am supposed to rest, I can’t rest well because I’m just not used to sleeping in the day, so usually just lie in bed to rest. But I can’t stay in bed for long too bcos I get bored, so in the end, I will usually help to look after Ashley during the day too.


On top of all these, after the first week, alan is not around during the weekdays as he has to go to china for his project. I must have depression then, cos I get emotional and cry n fuss a lot to him on Sunday nite, before he leaves for airport… wat a terrible feeling that was, so helpless n frustrated…


Oh yes! Ashley developed jaundice a couple of days after we were discharged from hospital. Jaundice level was quite high so had to be admitted to KKH for photo-therapy. Alan n myself also checked in to mcdonald’s family room so that we can be near to Ashley. I cried again, n had the feeling that most mothers’ have. Why did my child have jaundice? Was it something that I ate or did? Must be bcos of me!!! Luckily i didn’t keep this inside me and let these bad thots fester. I shared with alan and he comforted me and made me realise it’s not my fault. Somehow, you know these on hindsight. But at that point in time, it’s really crucial that someone close reassures that it’s not your fault and stand together with u. It gives me heartache to see my deardear being subjected to photo-therapy, had to take off the clothes in the horribly cold hospital and go under the lights. And to wear the eye masks which protects their delicate eyes from the strong lights… I just had to take comfort that this is going to make her well, strong and healthy...