I need a change..........

I am beginnning to dislike myself recently.  I have become so bad-tempered (yes, my dear hubby, i know that myself, even though i've vehemently denied it vocally).  Every little thing that doesn't go the way I want it to gets blown out of proportion because of my short fuse.  What makes it worse is that I blow up at my 2 dearests....


I never thought I'd feel this way - but I seriously hate my job. P.E.R.I.O.D.  I can't shake off the NEED to be working 24/7. I blame this on the company culture.  I overheard a colleague saying "Who the hell sends emails at 3am?.  The next thing I know, he gotta choke back his words because his boss did exactly that.  And you guessed it too.  I send emails out at the ungodly hours of 1am, 2am, 3am, 4am, 5am, 6am...
Sometimes, I do wonder, at the back of my mind, is this really necessary?  Who will read the emails?  But yes, it's necessary, because at times, your emails gets replied at 1am, 2am, 3am, 4am, 5am, 6am...


C.R.A.Z.Y


Since I've had experienced in working in other MNCs, I know for a fact that this is not the norm.  Neither is it healthy.


And you know what makes it worse?  It's knowing that the company only pays you lip service in saying you MATTER to the company (don't ask me how and why I know, I JUST DO).


In this one year since I've had the job, I've short-changed my Ashley in so many ways.  I've become so short-tempered, too harsh with my verbal lashings.  I've spent countless hours on my own personal time, slogging in front of the computer.  And even when I make the effort to pull myself away from the computer and spend time with her, I was distracted.  My mind kept going back to my work.  That's just me, overly responsible.  I wish I could just let my work slide..........


I feel apologetic to my dear hubby too, for being the unwitting receipient of all my fiery temper, verbal grouses and sourish mood... He puts up with me, I love him for it...

I read an article recently about how a person becomes unhappy when they work all the time, and forgo relaxation/de-stressing period.  For example, if one keep denying yourself a holiday break to re-juvenate, in the name of work, over a span of time, one will become unhappy and possibly, 5years down the road, one will ask "Was giving up that holiday for the sales conference meeting worth it?"  Or maybe 10yrs down the road, "Was giving up family bonding time for the endless streams of reports/meeting worth it?"


My answer is no.  Much as I need to work to preserve my sanity, I need my family time.  I am going to look for greener pastures......... and hope I find it soon..................


Wish me luck!