Ashley's tastebuds...

I had originally wanted to write about some funny things that popped out of Ashley’s mouth yesterday, but for the life of me, I really CANNOT REMEMBER (this forgetfulness thingy is really grating for me… URGHH!)

Anyway, I want to talk about Ashley’s tastebuds. I must say that Ashley has very simple tastes.

Bread – hohoho! My deardear is crazy about bread. I think she can eat bread for every meal, if I allow her to. The thing about her is she doesn’t like fancy bread, just simple plain butter buns will make her very happy. I recalled one particular morning, she ate 2 whole pieces of butter buns (normal regular size type) for breakfast…

One of the good things about Ashley is she likes her fruits, not just one or two kinds, but many. Offhand I can think of are apple, orange, grape, pear, honeydew, rockmelon, watermelon and longan. Kiwi and papaya – depending on her mood… Just yesterday, after she had finished her dinner, I asked her if she wanted to eat fruits. She shouted yes so excitedly and beamed happily at me. Alan bought watermelon and rockmelon and she ate both happily, even telling us which are hers, which are mine and which are Alan’s.

Fishball noodles – I think a lot of little kids love them. Before I became a mom, I used to see a lot of mommies letting their kids eat fishball noodles and I always wonder why. Now I know – the kids simply love them… Ashley being one of them and she keeps reiterating to me that she loves the yellow noodles.

Cake. You’d think that ALL kids like cake, wouldn’t you? Well, not Ashley. Even her teacher commented that she takes ages to eat cake and always, she can’t even finish a slice of it, where other kids are asking for 2nd/3rd helpings. The cakes that I buy for our birthday celebrations are mostly consumed by Alan and me. Hah!

Sweets/desserts. My daughter doesn’t have a sweet tooth. YET. I’ve long learned to never say never, because you never know. But as of now, she doesn’t eat sweets. She likes to buy sweets though. Just the other day, she wanted Alan to buy lollipops for her. He did and it end up in the rubbish chute 2 days later.

Yogurt. She likes yogurt, more than ice-cream I think. Weird? I am again happy though, because I think yogurt really helps in digestion. I recalled there was a few days she was unable to eat yogurt because she had a cough. And during that few days, she kept complaining of stomach pain pain off and on, and her stomach looked bloated and felt hard to the touch. After we resumed giving yogurt, she didn’t complain of pain and her stomach wasn’t bloated and hard anymore.

Looking at my daughter, I was reminded of the simple pleasures in life. And I feel sad just thinking how, as we grow up, we lose this kind of innocence and ability to appreciate the simple things in life. A piece of bread, a bowl of fishball noodles, a slice of watermelon is enough to put a big smile on Ashley’s face. I want to capture this moment forever.

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And when I am about to end this post, I suddenly remembered a funny conversation I had with Ashley.
Ashley: Mommy, can I eat this? – pointing to the potato chips that I was eating
Mommy: No, you are having a cough.
Ashley: Ok. Can I see?
Mommy lets her peek into the packet of chips.
Ashley: Ok (trots away, satisfied after having seen the packet of chips).

The next night,
Ashley: Mommy, I cannot eat this right? I cough cough, right?
Mommy: Yes, that’s correct, dear.
Ashley: Mommy, can you tell me I cannot eat this?
Mommy: Ok, you cannot eat this.
Ashley: OK. (goes back to doing whatever she was doing previously)

Letter to Ashley

Dear baby,

How time flies! It’s clichéd but it’s so apt… You are not a baby anymore, as you always remind me. But you still respond when I call you baby. It’s a habit I probably won’t kick.

You are 4 yrs old now. I always reminisce the days of 4 years ago when I had you in my tummy, when you came into our world. And without fail, it always brings a smile to my face.

I have been your mummy for 4yrs, have I been a good mummy? Did I take care of you well? I honestly do not know. I think only you can tell me. Everyday, I kiss you and tell you I love you. What you don’t hear in my heart is my silent thanks for being blessed with you. You have to know that your mummy is a pessimistic person by nature, and life is so unpredictable, who knows what the next day might bring. I want to treasure all my moments with you.

It broke my heart today when I had to leave you tearing in school. Because of work commitments, I had to go. I know this incident will hurt you and you will remember the hurt. This hurts me deeply. And so again all my insecurities surfaced. Why can’t I give up work? Why do I leave you crying? Why do I hurt you?

I don’t know if what I am doing is enough. I don’t know if I am doing the right things. Recently, you have been tearing up and refusing to go to school. Is it a passing phase? What triggered it? I wonder if it’s because I made you go for Reading class. Am I giving you too much stress? In my heart, I tend to blame everything on myself and it usually distorts my perspective. I wish I could share all these with your daddy, but…….

Yesterday I bought you a balloon and I remembered you asked me if I’d bought you the balloon because you’d been a good girl. I replied yes and you asked if it’s because you’d finished your dinner last night. I laughed and said yes. I know you always want to be a good girl to mummy and you always strive to please me. I know I have a very short fuse and blows up easily. In the morning, because of the early morning rush, I always tells you to hurry up and usually scolds you when you dilly dally. I wish I wouldn’t do that, but for this, mummy says sorry to you. There’s always so little time in the morning and again, work commitments fuel my stress… Sometimes, I can even feel my heart palpitations from all the daily hurriedness…

I am going to leave office early today and fetch you home early. I know that makes you happy.

And I hope you won’t tear and refuse to go to school anymore. I remembered I told you this on one of our recent drives home. I told you mummy will be sad when Ashley is sad. That’s the truth, my darling. Hearing you laugh and smile takes away all my unhappiness.

Love,
Mummy

P/S: I wrote this letter to you, deardear, because I kept thinking of you tearing and refusing to enter the school. I wished I could have dropped everything and just drive you back home then… But it wasn’t possible…

I am back.... again...

After such a long hiatus, I am kinda at a loss of what to blog.  Not that nothing's happened, just the opposite.  But there's just no time.  Yes, for those who read my blog, I've yet again changed my template - something simple this time :-)