I recently came to the conclusion that I've lost the drive to push my career to a higher level. It could be a sign of ageing, but honestly, it's more likely the difficult task of balancing work + family kid. Imagine being stressed over leaving the office at 6pm sharp in order to fetch my daughter from pre-school. It sounds easy, but honestly it's not, unless I am working as a receptionist or clerk. How to excuse myself in the middle of a call to say, "Hey, I gotta go now, you guys continue", or "I can't take calls after 5.45pm.." On the other hand, there are night calls, which means I have to leave office early (but in reality, often work delays me till 6pm when I then hurriedly pack my stuff, move like a snake along the throes of human traffic, squeeze into the sandwiched-pack train, and hope my girl won't be the last to leave the school that day) . Night calls also mean that I could have a screaming kid in the background, while struggling to listen to the presenter on the call.
I am just so tired at times... and frustrated... I grumble to colleagues about the unfairness of us in Asia having always to accommodate the US colleagues, that we always have to sacrifice our precious night time to attend calls, instead of spending it with our kids.
Sometimes, I think Singaporeans are just too insecure. We don't know how to say no, without thinking that it will not jeopardize our jobs. I am one of the guilty ones too.
I am also not without blame. If I just could live a simpler life, and have simpler needs, then I might be contented with being a SAHM. But I can't. Pride doesn't allow me to depend on my hubby for my living expenses.
So, I am again stuck in a less than ideal situation.. but I'll bite the bullet and hang on, till change comes again. And from now till then, I'll bite off my tongue before I ask for help. It's the PRIDE again... But if I don't have PRIDE, what will I have?
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